April 30

rain thunders on roof
cascades, puddles, pools and drips
and verdure flows in

~ Maria

April 29

Magnolia tree's

elegant, bright blooms crown the

desolate prairie.

~ Twilla

April 28

Long winter behind
Air, sun, warm soil revive
I can breathe again

~ Maria

April 27

Spring is just bursting
I crouch and stare for life signs
Will these old seeds sprout?

~ Maria

April 26

Ever-cautious son

mastering the fire pole

bravery defined

~ Twilla

April 25

Mama duck, serene,

tucked behind the daffodils,

keeping her vigil.

~ Twilla

April 24

Jan writes after a day in Chicago hospital with her twin:

Three bypass needed

Twin, son, friend wait for surgeon

Success! Now healing.

~ Jan

April 23

       I resist this page,

then my jumbled self haikus;

      order from chaos.

~ Twilla

April 22

crocus, daffodil,

forsythia, narcissus,

ruddy maple blooms

~ Heidi, March 16, 2012

April 21

  My heart still reeling.

A friendship interrupted

mid-sentence, by death.

~ Twilla

Easter

         Easter morn, daffs blaze
I muse...Heidi... hope... restore
          "mightiest is love"

~ Maria

April 19

       it is a spring break

there is warm sun, there is rest 

       morsels to sustain

~ Maria

April 18

 With dread, I follow

into valleys forsaken.

Shepherd, comfort me.

~ Twilla

Maundy Thursday

As we journey into death on this Maundy Thursday, I finally felt like it was time to share a compilation that I made of some of my and Heidi's haikus from 2012.

As we have gone through this year, increasingly Heidi's haikus, from the same dates two years ago, have been about her illness.  I have been reluctant to post those.  Nevertheless, as I have encountered this writing it has given me, personally, time to reflect again on that year and more specifically about our friendship in that context.

One night a few months ago I stayed up late and compiled the post that precedes this one, "Life and Death in 26 Haikus."  Tonight it felt like the right time to share it.

Peace and love to you all.

Life and Death in 26 Haikus

Heidi, Jan 1:

beginning the year

with the last days of a trip

odd, frustrating, sad

Maria, Jan. 11:

Today I live, breathe

No tragedy this moment

Thank you God, for this

Heidi, Jan. 16:

within all tonight

O wonderful MRI

your dark and light shine

Maria, Jan. 17:

Great news this morning

Normalcy might be coming

And we thirst for it

Heidi, Feb. 6:

the map of my scalp

describes a whirl round the crown

my hair thickening

Maria, Feb. 12:

A pleasant Sunday

Snow, church, grandparent’s visit

We smile in joy

Heidi, Feb. 16:

the lump in my back

palpable, mysterious

joining this fellfray?

Heidi, Feb 22:

O dread PET scan

You obscure as you reveal

Just here, the road turns

Maria, Feb. 23:

Familiar feeling

go away I don’t like you

chaos descending

Heidi, Feb. 26:

The Oscars tonight

Frothy dresses and flat jokes

Tomorrow, life/death

Maria, Feb. 28:

Full days, weary bones

The world is turning, twisting

Seeking calm and rest

Heidi, March 3:

Home! And yet so weak

Am I all here?  Exhausted.

Tepid Homecoming.

Maria, March 5:

I lay next to you

Grasp your arm tightly; -- hold on

Across the miles

Maria, March 24:

O cruel, wild world

How your winds blow, frazzle, tear

Will you restore us?

Maria, April 6:

I am losing grasp

Sick friend, I don’t hear from you…

What mysteries lie?

Heidi, April 11:

a long hiatus

no haiku, just traveling

and preparing to

Maria, April 23:

What is happening

In this horrible landscape

Where life becomes death

Heidi, May 15:

Oh failure, hospice

No more battles to be waged

Set those burdens down

Oh hospice, release

No more a life in pieces

My life lived by me

Maria, May 17:

This is happening

I step into a wasteland

The Land of Knowing

Heidi, May 18:

Maria, my friend

Comes to me like spring sun

Fall leaves, Winter’s spark

Maria, May 19:

Fire and Panic

Please-don’t-let-this-happen.  Please

don’t-let-this-happen

Maria, June 24:

Maria?... Yes, Mitch?...

Heidi’s dead.          OK, I said.

Where we go from here?

Maria, June 26:

I rest in this tub

very place where I used to

write haikus for you.

Maria, July 15:

I find myself still

Writing haikus for Heidi

Is she beside me?

Maria, August 15:

No longer want to

Write my haiku.  Like I just

Realized you’re gone.

April 16

Meditations on seeds...

 pepper seeds dormant

but when I forgot the light

  they rose in darkness

~ Britt

dark soil, wetted

daily, quietly, I stare

yearn for signs of life

tending, warming, wait

breath quickens with that first glimpse

tiny, shiny curl

~ Maria

April 15

      Hemmed in by children,

arms slung over me, hands linked.

       The sweetest slumber.

~ Twilla

April 14

  dry bones, chaff, dust, stones
without God's Breath, we are dead
  wind, rain, mud, gasp, dance

~ Britt

April 13

Thinking of family events around Easter...

Good Friday memories

Young Heidi; lost, found - Greek crowd

Sweet reunion, hugs!

Old Jerusalem

Young Brad watched pilgrims kiss stone

Kissed stone too, holy spark!

Sudden tragic end

Mark's death just before Easter

Here, gone, remembered

Spring, buds burst, bulbs grow

Transformation, life follows

Past loves remembered

~ Jan

April 12

On her 2012 trip to California...

      for all in the air
people in planes, and pilots
   prayers go up, up, up

~ Heidi, April 12, 2012

April 11

with bum ankle: stoop,

crumble dirt, slowly place seeds

gingerly balance.

pain... yes. But know this:

'tis worth it! to assume a

gard'ner's squat again..

~ Maria

April 10

Spring is on the brain...

Thunder & Lightening.

Rain poured like from a bucket.

& the grass grows green.

   pink trees bloom today

'sure signs' replace 'early signs'

    flip-flops snap off dust

~ Britt

      cat, dog, feet in air

wiggle backs into warm dirt

      scrub away winter

~ Maria

April 9

 Half moon walk at dusk,

rounding labyrinth corners;

     meandering faith.

   ~ Twilla

April 8

Spring cleaning dictates

disaster before sparkle.

   Easter approaches.

~ Britt

April 7

Daily things I hold,

witness and dream, sacred now.

This I know through you.

~ Twilla

April 6

A duo of piano-inspired haikus...

    piano scales trill

new songs putter, uneven

    practice is telling

           ~ Britt

        I feel for the keys

foreign to my children's ears

  old hymns speak to me

          ~ Maria

April 5

Japanese bath salts.

soaking -- Mother's getaway.

meant for you, now mine.

~ Maria

April 4

Breathing in and out,

with weary, holy longing,

a new life promise.

~ Twilla

April 3

large tree -- shelter me
from the sun, rain, pounding drums
cover me with hope

~ Maria

April 2

A lovely trio of gardening haikus...

I can't wait longer--

a sunny patch turned under

for turnips and beets.

     heirloom tomato

seedlings grow.  I touch them so

      I can smell summer.

         Every pea planted,

scratched up, pecked out, devoured--

           yet turned into eggs.

~ Britt

April 1

Soaking up wonder,

gratitude even through tears;

redefining hope.

~ Twilla